Voice Test: OTA 🗣️

[onebullet]

1. Rough Ride

[ Trying to outrun pursuers, or in the middle of a gun fight and need an evac STAT? Never fear, Shepard is here!

The ramshackle car barrelling towards you screeches into a 180 turn at the last second, almost rolling from the force of the manoeuvre as too-thin tyres lose a little more of themselves to the concrete.

With two loud BANGs, the passenger-side door yields to the kicks of the driver, crashing against the front fender in a shower of glass. ]

Get in!

[ Shepard swivels back into position with a bounce, one hand gripping the wheel and the other on the stick-shift of the ancient car. Her focus snaps back to movement in the wing mirror, body tensed like a coiled spring that's itching to hit the gas. Maybe you know her, maybe you don't, but one thing is very clear: she's trying to save your ass from whatever mess you're in. ]

⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆

2. Is This Loss?

[ Index finger thumps against pursed lips as she studies the display, brow furrowed in thought. Maybe it's something you yourself made, put a lot (or very little) effort into. Perhaps you're a fan of the arts, or maybe you're not but know this piece is valuable and are scoping the joint. Whatever your reasons, Shepard turns to look at you with her arms crossed, finger curled back into the fist resting against her chin.

Her bright eyes are piercing, her gaze unnervingly intense. ]

... I don't get it.

[ A small, self-deprecating smile and an unapologetic shrug. She's a soldier, not a critic. ]

⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆

3. Choose Your Own Adventure

[Bring it on. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞]

Comments

[onebullet]

Relax, it's fine - I'm sure we'd notice if it was something important.

[ There's a red light flashing ominously on the dashboard display, one that someone familiar with old cars would recognise as the symbol representing the engine. To be fair, it's been flashing the whole ride. No klaxons or voice announcing a malfunction means everything is A-OK! ]

I don't know the specifics, I think humanity was largely still running on fossil fuels when this was made. Unless it's been modified.

[ It has not. ]

[thearchangel]

You don't know the specifics, but you're sure we'd notice a problem?

[Despite everything, the light tone of amusement doesn't fade away. They're moving rapidly away from danger, and none of the husks seem to be catching up. Perfect time to be blithe about the car.]

[And how rickety it looks - to his eyes, at least.]

How do you tell if it's been modified? Or... you know. Runs out of fuel?

[Or drops an important part.]

[onebullet]

I think it just stops when it runs out of fuel...

[ She squints at the dashboard display, ignoring the blinking engine light which could very much be a low fuel warning for all she knows. ]

But hey. We're already on the ground, so that's good right?

[thearchangel]

In theory...

[In theory it's a good thing they're on the ground. But if they stop and there's a sudden influx of trouble?]

So long as you plan on keeping it there. [Don't drive it up a cliff Shepard, please.] Does it have any weapons? Shields?

[onebullet]

On a civilian car? Doubt it.

[ She starts to poke around, though. Flicking the lever on the left of the wheel seems to do nothing but make a rhythmic ticking noise, twisting it turns the headlights on. All the while, she's barely looking at the road, though there's barely been any other vehicles for a little while now. ]

Shouldn't need this for much longer, anyway. Just need an opportunity to take it off-road and call for an evac.

[thearchangel]

Great.

[And there doesn't look like there's a convenient roof opening to pop out of and be the weaponry, if need be. Maybe they could carve one if they had to? Maybe? But - ]

The road. Shepard - keep an eye on the road. Please.

[Don't drive off it yet please!]

[onebullet]

[ She sighs and gives up the futile search with Garrus's plea, dutifully fixing her eyes on the road ahead of them. The stretch they're on is flanked by barriers, so unless Shepard has completely lost her mind, he's safe for now. Which is just as well, it's pretty rough looking terrain; craggy ground covered sporadically by trees. ]

C'mon Garrus, my driving record is spotless.

[ There's a pause. And then she quickly rushes in, possibly trampling over the start of a list of incidents from her companion. ]

-- The Mako doesn't count! It's designed to roll and fly down cliffs.

[ It's designed to do that as a precaution, not a feature. ]

[thearchangel]

Thank you. [If that came out a little primly, then so be it. It's mostly for show - ribbing to lighten the mood now that they're out of trouble. He's not actually all that worried.]

[He does keep his eye out for anything in the trees, though. It could happen!] You -

[Shepard wins. She cuts him off before he can comment on the Mako.] Shepard, I don't think that's a feature most people utilize. Short of driving over a land mine.

[onebullet]

Well, I'm not most people - I use everything available to me. And are you telling me the Alliance poured so many credits into building a vehicle they didn't want half the features made use of?

[ It'd be a lie to say that Shepard isn't arguing back in earnest, but that just makes the banter more amusing to her. Her relaxed composure and the occasional wave of one hand lifted from the steering wheel gives away that the outrage in her words is completely hollow. ]

And the blasting cap incident happened one time, and anyone else driving would have had the same issue.

[thearchangel]

Having not actually been part of the Alliance, I can't say. But I can't help but think they didn't exactly plan on the thing being launched off a mountain.

[A beat.] Repeatedly.

[And despite himself, he snorts out a laugh.]

One time, sure. Jumping on geth armatures though...

[onebullet]

[ She grins at his laugh, giving a big shrug of the shoulders. ]

The idea had merit, and it did stop it blasting at us for a little while.

It's just unfortunate that backup arrived so soon.

[ Otherwise she'd have tried doing donuts on it in the hopes of disabling something. ]

[thearchangel]

All right, all right... I'll give you that one. I'd be a liar not to.

[As much as it had genuinely sucked at the time.]

Fortunate for the geth, or us?

[The geth, probably.]

[onebullet]

Both, I guess. You were looking a little green.

[ She drums her fingers on the wheel... ]

Wonder if that would work on a Reaper if you hit it right.

[thearchangel]

Green?

[He's picked up a lot of human sayings so far. Every now and again, though, one pops up and his brain blanks out. Like now.]

... Please don't tell me we're trying that.

[onebullet]

Like you were gonna throw up.

Can mean new, too. You might hear the second one thrown around near Alliance recruits.

[ She reaches up to adjust the wing mirror. The barriers restricting them to the road are gradually becoming more spaced out. ]

You can't tell me you're not curious.

[thearchangel]

Ahh. The second, definitely heard before. Wondered what "inexperienced" had to do with flying upside-down off a cliff.

[He's going to keep making the Mako adventures more and more absurd. It's... possible they did happen, at some point.]

Shepard, we've tried taking one on foot, and throwing a giant thresher maw at them. My curiosity is stated.

[onebullet]

[ Practically the only thing the Mako hasn't done is turn inside-out. Yet. ]

Your curiosity needs a bigger appetite. Why fight them on foot or with a thresher maw if we could disable them from the safety of the Mako?

[ Arguably they'd fair the same on foot as they would inside the Mako if a Reaper nailed them with their beam, but the mental image of clambering around on a Sovereign-class Reaper like they're from a Dragon's Dogma game is too entertaining to pass up. ]

[thearchangel]

[Yet... that's the scary part.]

"Safety" and "Mako" feel like direct opposites. Especially at this point.

[Just lure them all to Tuchanka and let Kalros take them out. That worked so well the first time, why not again?]

[onebullet]

[ Shepard shoots him an amused glance, there's no rebuttal forthcoming. Mainly because he's right, but also because she doesn't want Garrus to bring out "the big guns" in proving himself right.

When it comes to the Mako, she's the expert at terrorising the crew, and Garrus is the expert at everything else. ]

You manage to get the seatbelt on?

[thearchangel]

Sort of.

[It didn't really fit properly. So he ended up tying it in a knot. Like Jurassic Park.]

I don't think these things are really designed with alternate anatomy in mind...

[Not a lot of things are...]

[onebullet]

Especially with the armour. You strapped in tight?

[ She maybe should have checked all this a lot earlier, seeing as she's been pedal to the metal this entire time. ]

[thearchangel]

At this point, you'd need a saw blade to cut me out of this thing.

[He's tied himself in, and he's braced every possible limb against the interior. If this thing rolls, though, there will probably be trouble.]

[onebullet]

Noted.

[ She doesn't bother to tell him to hold on, he very clearly knows what's coming.

With as much grace as an elephant in a tutu, Shepard stamps on the car's break and twists the wheel anti-clockwise. The force of it physically pulls their bodies in the direction they were travelling before the turn, all the strain on their necks as the seatbelts hold the rest of their bodies steady. Both of them will feel this tomorrow.

There's an ungodly screech from the tyres as the ancient vehicle shoots off the asphalt onto the dirt and scrub. It is immediately a bad time: this is not an off-road car, and there's a rattling sound akin to a coin in a tin can coming from somewhere.

Shepard's having a great time. ]

[thearchangel]

Oh here we go...

[Yep. He knows.]

[And braces even more, if that's physically possible. It doesn't help a whole lot, when you have spiky things coming out the back of your head. He swears, colorfully when that happens. There's not much short of a helmet that could be done for that.]

Tree-! [He's helping! He's backseat driving from the passenger side! There's... not much else he can do but hold on and yell about trees. And rocks. And just about anything that may pose a problem to this old car.]

[onebullet]

Just like old times!

[ She calls this over the almighty racket of the vehicle, and of Garrus shouting about obstacles they're breezing by... and in some cases, over. Nothing big enough to stop the car, of course, just some willowy saplings or a dip in an animal burrow before bouncing back out again.

Until there's a popping sound and the rattling ceases, along with the engine, the car slowly rolling to a stop in the ass-end of nowhere. ]