Voice Test: OTA 🗣️
1. Rough Ride
[ Trying to outrun pursuers, or in the middle of a gun fight and need an evac STAT? Never fear, Shepard is here!The ramshackle car barrelling towards you screeches into a 180 turn at the last second, almost rolling from the force of the manoeuvre as too-thin tyres lose a little more of themselves to the concrete.
With two loud BANGs, the passenger-side door yields to the kicks of the driver, crashing against the front fender in a shower of glass. ]
Get in!
[ Shepard swivels back into position with a bounce, one hand gripping the wheel and the other on the stick-shift of the ancient car. Her focus snaps back to movement in the wing mirror, body tensed like a coiled spring that's itching to hit the gas. Maybe you know her, maybe you don't, but one thing is very clear: she's trying to save your ass from whatever mess you're in. ]
2. Is This Loss?
[ Index finger thumps against pursed lips as she studies the display, brow furrowed in thought. Maybe it's something you yourself made, put a lot (or very little) effort into. Perhaps you're a fan of the arts, or maybe you're not but know this piece is valuable and are scoping the joint. Whatever your reasons, Shepard turns to look at you with her arms crossed, finger curled back into the fist resting against her chin.
Her bright eyes are piercing, her gaze unnervingly intense. ]
... I don't get it.
[ A small, self-deprecating smile and an unapologetic shrug. She's a soldier, not a critic. ]
3. Choose Your Own Adventure
[Bring it on. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞]

1.
[Mariner's diving in the kicked open door without a second thought, but still. Talk about jumping out of the frying pan, and into the fire. Seatbelts are smart, she's a proponent of seatbelts after too much time on starships without them, but there's no time for any of that! She's just trying to get her arms and legs to stop being akimbo, so she can pull the door back closed.]
You know those old combustion engine vehicles are, like, super unreliable, right?
Re: 1.
[ Shepard doesn't wait for Mariner to get her affairs in order, nor for the door to be closed. She flattens the gas pedal, the car squealing in protest and jolting its occupants forwards, peeling from the alleyway with a juddering speed that confirms the warning. ]
It was this, or I ran in there on foot and hoped every bullet missed us.
[ As they careen onto the street and make a sharp turn, narrowly avoiding oncoming traffic, Shepard reaches out and grabs Mariner's arm to stop her from flying out of the open door, holding onto the steering wheel for dear life. ]
Re: 1.
[Mariner's been in a war, she's a little too cavalier about her personal safety. But the ensign is, in fact, starting to fall back out of the door as they go. She clutches at Shepard's arm in turn.]
Scratch that! Zag me! Zag me!
Re: 1.
What'd you do to piss them off?
[ Her eyes are on the rearview, completely off the road, watching for signs of pursuit. They are other people's problem. ]
Re: 1.
[Just a bit of protest. Give her a few moments of straining against the shifting momentum of the car and eventually, Mariner gets a hand on the seatbelt, and starts securing herself. She admits,]
I mean. I might have called this guy out. How was I supposed to know he'd double down? You know, as a negotiating tactic. You know how these guys are, two out three doomsday ultimatums are a bluff.
Re: 1.
Back up a second. Doomsday ultimatum?
[ But of course that gets Shepard's attention. ]
2. blame kimmeh
That, however, is still a poor substitute for the real thing, so sometimes — especially when a purchase is in the works — so here he is, at said gallery, admiring the exact same painting.
Had he been aware that it was Shepard nearby? Sure! But he also has guards in place, a pocket-sized emp for electronics, and a determination to not let her ruin his one day out for the entire fiscal year. ]
I'll take that as an endorsement, given my tastes compared to yours.
[ See? Cordial. ]
OH I WILL
Right. Taste.
[ Inscrutable as ever.
When Shepard looks back to him, the pretence is gone. There's no humour in her expression, just hostility. She's alone, unarmoured and unarmed. Despite that, she's reckless enough to fight her way out if she needs to, confident in her ability versus Cerberus goons... But there's always a catch with this guy. She always seems to be on the back foot, successes never feel complete.
And surely this is a hologram. Or a body double. Rigged with explosives. ]
Am I supposed to believe this is a coincidence?
no subject
[ Particularly this one, which is a human artist, albeit one who studies with the Asari, and their style reflected the usual dream-like strokes and unusual forms of an asari artist. It could almost be easy to mistake it, if it weren't for the name attached. ]
I think the suspicion should go the other way around. I generally expect your presence to be heralded by explosions, and maybe a diplomatic incident to follow.
[ look how reasonable he is being. Not even an assassination attempt thus far.
Ok, so he doesn't want to be caught in said explosion and wants to give the impression that he's in control. ]
no subject
[ Nothing involving explosions or diplomatic incidents can ever be said to be an empty threat when it's Shepard leveraging them. Both are usually preceded by a lot of gunfire, though, and there isn't usually much in an art gallery that would make for a satisfying explosion. Certainly not the paintings. ]
I'm more surprised at you showing your face here. You gonna tell me this place is funded by Cerberus?
no subject
[ He says, airly, instead of trying to goad her into trying to make those explosions and diplomatic incidents happen.
He didn't necessarily fear for his life, but he'd lived a long time, really. There was a lot of work that went into keeping a shadowy figure like the Illusive Man alive, and he wasn't keen on this being the thing that did him in.
Damn Shepard, for being everywhere when she wasn't welcome. ]
But if I make a generous purchase, it practically will be. Might want to make sure you catch the rest of the artwork on this visit, or I might put it in the contract to bar your entry in the future.
[ A twitch of a smile, there. Is he joking? (He is not joking.) ]
no subject
[ Shepard mockingly holds her hands up, voice flat.
She might be more needled by the flex of his ridiculous wealth if she wasn't keenly aware of how much of that was poured into bringing her back from the dead. Knowing she'll be the most catastrophic investment he ever makes is a small balm to the frustrations of dealing with his and Cerberus's shit. ]
You gonna block me from looking at them on the extranet too?
[ Just wait until he finds out she can download his ape jpgs. ]
no subject
no subject
1
[There was only so much one man with a rifle could do against a pack of ravenous husks. So when a car barrels up, regardless of the condition of the thing, he should be absolutely relieved. Except...]
You're driving?
[Except Shepard he remembers the mako!!]
Re: 1
There a problem with that, Vakarian?
[ Death by husk or possible death by careening off a cliff, it's a hard choice to be sure. ]
no subject
[Maybe later. Later when there aren't husks. When it's a better time to banter back and forth about driving.]
[That said, he throws himself into the waiting vehicle, turning only to fire at the leading edge of the husks. Drive them back a few precious feet.]
I have no arguments right now!
no subject
[ There's no pause between the warning and the car surging forward, leaving the wave of husks shambling out into the street in a cloud of exhaust fumes. She glances up at the rearview, watches their shapes shrink until only the blue glow distinguishes them from regular people, then relaxes back in the seat.
The car doesn't slow down, though. No way a husk could chase and catch them in a vehicle, but the pedal is to the floor anyway, each sharp turn lifting one side of the car from the ground. If the Mako rolled they would, generally, be fine. But this tin can..?
Shepard isn't bothered. She's in her lane... and the other lanes, too. ]
Not like you to be caught be surprise, what happened?
no subject
[Which is good. Very good. He also eases his hand up to the nearest hand grip. Just to be on the safe side. You always err on the side of caution when you're driving with Shepard.]
They tore down my barricade. [How many lanes is this thing even in right now.] Didn't think they were that determined. Never were before. I should've been more careful.
[He sounds annoyed with himself, too. He really should have kept an eye on his flank.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
you saw nothing
nothing at all
(no subject)
i hate that i have an icon for this
OF COURSE YOU DO, why am I not surprised
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
your call, is it a bunny or a mini-reaper
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
2; ok i revived her for this. for you.
( hawke remarks simply, as if she had any real knowledge on the topic herself.
she lifts a finger, gesturing to the bouquet of flowers protruding from a man's anus. )
Can't you feel the emotion here? The depth?
( of those stems? )
I'M SO HAPPYYYYY
I feel like this is a you had to be there kinda thing.
[ A pause. She cranes her neck forwards slightly, eyes fixed in the same general area. ]
This guy's more my wavelength.
[ She points to the fish being carried out from behind the human vase. ]
no subject
The fish?
( but she pauses, head tilting as she inspects the artwork and the limp fish. )
That supposed you after a great night at the tavern? Or it more about getting dragged outta bed in the morning?
no subject
Unless you're telling me that's the part you relate to.
no subject
( she smiles, followed by a quick eyebrow waggle. )
It can be fun to . . . get stuffed. Even stemmed.
( it might have sounded more suggestive if hawke didn't snort at the end of her line, amused by her own jokes. )
no subject
[ Shepard's smirk belies the disgust of her words, pinching the bridge of her nose between finger and thumb, and closing her eyes as if trying to shake the mental image. ]
More than a few sore heads the next day, among other things.