Voice Test: OTA 🗣️

[onebullet]

1. Rough Ride

[ Trying to outrun pursuers, or in the middle of a gun fight and need an evac STAT? Never fear, Shepard is here!

The ramshackle car barrelling towards you screeches into a 180 turn at the last second, almost rolling from the force of the manoeuvre as too-thin tyres lose a little more of themselves to the concrete.

With two loud BANGs, the passenger-side door yields to the kicks of the driver, crashing against the front fender in a shower of glass. ]

Get in!

[ Shepard swivels back into position with a bounce, one hand gripping the wheel and the other on the stick-shift of the ancient car. Her focus snaps back to movement in the wing mirror, body tensed like a coiled spring that's itching to hit the gas. Maybe you know her, maybe you don't, but one thing is very clear: she's trying to save your ass from whatever mess you're in. ]

⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆

2. Is This Loss?

[ Index finger thumps against pursed lips as she studies the display, brow furrowed in thought. Maybe it's something you yourself made, put a lot (or very little) effort into. Perhaps you're a fan of the arts, or maybe you're not but know this piece is valuable and are scoping the joint. Whatever your reasons, Shepard turns to look at you with her arms crossed, finger curled back into the fist resting against her chin.

Her bright eyes are piercing, her gaze unnervingly intense. ]

... I don't get it.

[ A small, self-deprecating smile and an unapologetic shrug. She's a soldier, not a critic. ]

⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆

3. Choose Your Own Adventure

[Bring it on. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞]

Comments

[onebullet]

[ She's about to scoff at that idea, but she's seen what husking different species can do. Human husks are tame compared to the transformations turian, krogan and asari go through... Perhaps a shifty-looking cow would be the most horrific and deadly husk of all. ]

I don't think they're advanced enough to be the target of Reapers. Yet.

[ Her glare at the creature will probably go unnoticed in the dark, but it's a threat - if we fail, you're next. ]

[thearchangel]

Oh... Good. Small miracles.

[It probably wouldn't be very effective. Unless they slapped its legs on something else. Make a quadrupedal horror.]

I guess we're leaving it?

[onebullet]

Unless there's a reason for us to bring it..? I don't think it'll cause any harm out here. Or do you want another pet for the Normandy?

[ Would it end up being treated like royalty like the space hamster, or die like all the fish she's tried to keep? Probably the latter. On purpose. Shepard hates these cows. ]

[thearchangel]

Oh, no, not bring it with us. I... guess I meant leave it here. Alive.

[That thing is not coming aboard, thanks.]

[Unless-] On the other hand. Maybe Vega needs a friend. Rummaging around in his weight rack every now and then.

[onebullet]

You think this thing could lift the weights Vega uses?

[ She comes closer again, still out of grabbing distance. ]

I think it'd struggle lifting something heavier than a credit chit.

[thearchangel]

I think it'd try. You know - not really screw with his setup. Just mess things around a bit.

[Garrus are you still giving him shit. Be nice to the man.]

[... or maybe this is a bonding thing.]

[onebullet]

No. And especially not one of these.

If you wanna tease Vega, do it with your own hands and see how that goes.

[thearchangel]

All right, all right... the cargo bay will be cow-free for another day.

[He wasn't actually going to bring the thing aboard. But it is kind of funny to imagine.]

[onebullet]

[ It's funnier for her to imagine Garrus being chased around by Vega like they're in some extranet comedy show. ]

Cow-free is how I like my ship, and my crew.

[ If Garrus had been fond of these creatures and genuinely wanted one as a pet she might, might, have considered bringing it on board. In a Hannibal-ass straightjacket. Thankfully, he is not. ]

[thearchangel]

[They'd probably settle it in an old fashioned wrestling match or something. Even odds who'd win.]

I guess we'll have to make do with the fish and the hamster...

[He likes the hamster too, let's be real. If only because those pets make Shepard happy.]

[onebullet]

[ She'd put money on Vega as a wind up. ]

Hey, the hamster is a valuable member of the crew. Honorary second-in-command.

[ She fucking loves that hamster. ]

[thearchangel]

[Some reach and flexibility without the round two.]

He'll be gunning for my job, next. I guess I have to step up the calibrations.

[Garrus no.]

[onebullet]

[ Garrus no. ]

You calibrate those guns any more and you'll turn into one of them.

[thearchangel]

That'd save on dextro rations, at least.

[How do you keep this comedian around.]

[onebullet]

In that case, feel free. I wouldn't need to worry about a gun being a smartass, either.

[thearchangel]

Oh, trust me, you would. I'd find a way.

[onebullet]

You're right, you shoot your mouth off enough already.

[ She winks and shoots a finger gun at him with the hand not gripping her pistol. ]

[thearchangel]

... Wait, what's that one?

[He shifts his rifle to lean against his shoulder and the crook of his elbow, in order to imitate her.]

Is that the insulting one, or the... 'we're good' one?

[onebullet]

It's the "I just made a funny joke" one.

[ The shifty cow is probably robbing them both blind. ]

[thearchangel]

[They're going to have to take the cow with them to get their money back-]

Ah. Then... right back at you.

[onebullet]

[ Looks like steak's going to be on the menu tonight. ]

I can see why you like being a smartass so much.